we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
