I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
