Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
