I hate all girls vehemently.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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