I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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