I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
