then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
