I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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