Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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