sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
