We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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