If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
