I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
