i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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