lets start a swedish sibling band together
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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