Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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