Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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