I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
