i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
