If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, beer. Big fan.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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