So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
