i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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