Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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