the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
