is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
