can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
