i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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