btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
