oh god the rape fog is back!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you inspire me to be a worse person
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
