I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
