I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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