the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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