sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
