paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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