i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
