A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
