I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize