I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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