i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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