Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
