He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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