Whod you bang
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
