so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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