Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize