Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
