We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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