Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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