It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
