i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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