Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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