I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
