we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
