What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize