By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
