i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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