on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
