it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
