Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
