Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
