His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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