To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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