a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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