She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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