Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize