nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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