I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
