so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize