dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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