We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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