My boss' voice literally gives me gas
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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