It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish I could teleport
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
