some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
