HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
