So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
