At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
