Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
