my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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