why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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