Please, let me fuck your mom
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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