I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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